I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
