dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
