Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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