I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
