dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
