so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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