i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
