I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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