i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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