Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
