turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
