someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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