Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
