it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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