just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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