I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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