It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
