I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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