It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
