dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
