WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
