Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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