Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
