if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
