Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
