Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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