would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I could make wine with my vomit
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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