i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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