OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
