Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You did what with his pubic hair?
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