We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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