I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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