Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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