I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
