Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
