Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
