sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
