so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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