Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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