Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
time to smoke my breakfast
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
