sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
