wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
