I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This beer is not sobering me up at all
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
