Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
