ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
