She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
