So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
