Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
