im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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