I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
